I’ve been trying to think of the word that best describes my feeling when I think about how long it has been since I last wrote.
This blog used to be my life-line after Jackson was born. It was my go-to when I needed to vent, my inspiration when I felt defeated, my creative outlet when I felt stifled, and my brag book whenever Jackson did, well, practically anything and everything.
However, the older Jackson got the more I found my groove and the less I needed a daily share, show, and tell page. (Because let’s be honest, that’s really what a blog is all about. Me, me, me!)
After our daughter was born back in October (I know, I haven’t officially introduced her yet), I thought for sure I would be back at it again in desperate need of mommy advice and a little (or a lot) of reprieve. Yet every time I had a few moments to myself all I wanted were just that: moments to myself. I no longer had the desire or need to share any of it with the world.
The honeymoon was over, my life had begun.
Normally when people say the honeymoon is over it means the bliss is gone. But for me, it’s been just the opposite. For me, the honeymoon was my attempt to still feel important in the world outside of the needs of my husband and son. I had put my career on hold and I was trying to figure out who I was as a stay-at-home-mommy. It was scary and exciting and the ride of the blog filled all of those inner voids.
Then one day the change came. I became a new mommy again. However, this time I was pretty comfortable in my own skin and the more confident I became, the less important my blog became. (Not to mention the fact that with two children there is literally NO TIME! How do you parents with more than two do it???)
Life started happening at full speed and it was better than I could have ever imagined. Our home was complete. Life was bliss. There was no more searching for answers as to who I was. I woke up on October 15, 2013 and felt relieved that it all came together and it all made perfect sense.
The word I have been searching for is satisfied.
I am satisfied that I no longer need this blog. I am satisfied that I have found my groove on this mommy ride. I am satisfied that I got my boy and my girl and they are both beautiful and healthy. And I am satisfied in knowing that I will never have all the answers, will never do it perfectly (especially not the first time), and will never understand all of the many emotions that come along with being a mommy. But more importantly, I am satisfied in the realization that every day is a new beginning. Every day is a journey of self and re-self discovery. And every day is a chance to be become a better, more confident, and more humbled person than the person I was the day before (especially if the day before I wasn’t so great).